Archive for December, 2014

Love and the Spiritual Life

Namaste,

It seems like an off topic…to talk about love and the spiritual path when we are in the middle of celebrating the Christmas season and holidays. But this is how Spirit works…I get guided to talk about something and I follow through, despite the outward awkward appearance of said topic and unrelatedness.

I am not too off topic though. Yesterday I held my first ever Psychic Wellness Fair at Lotus Wellness Center and it was a beautiful success and humbling experience. We had so much fan support and love from the community as people came out, booked readings and healings and bought valuable products from local stores. I am very grateful for the experience.

As beautiful as it was, it was also tiring! As it was my first go round, I didn’t schedule myself well and provided my appointment times to Yvonne, our organizer without including breaks for myself. Silly me! I ended up doing 6 hours of readings for 21 clients without proper break times. *Palm to face*, I will definitely be better about that in the future!

The readings though…..it is the reason I do what I do. I love the stories. I love seeing human life unfold in a natural and personal way for my clients and I am so humbled to be privy to such information. Of course, I would not ever disclose the information shared in those sessions with identifying factors to the people, that is unethical…but sharing the stories…ahhh this is what life is about and how we learn, process and grow.

I recently underwent a breakup with my long time boyfriend and best friend. It happened about two months ago and although I am past the mourning process, Spirit has a way of reminding me gently, that this too is all part of life. One of those reminders happened yesterday as roughly 90% of the readings I had to do were love readings; and of those readings, maybe 80% of the clientele were experiencing what I experienced just recently! A breakup or impending breakup, change in love and confusion as to what they should do next.

By the time I saw my 10th person yesterday, I realized there was material here for a blog post. Material to help me process what I learned in my long work day as well as material for those struggling right now with love and relationships. So, to make it easier and because I am an organized kind of gal (Capricorn sun sign!) I have included in bullet format, some of the key things I noted yesterday about love and the spiritual life. Stay tuned, because I believe this can evolve to an ongoing blog event!

What I know about love and living the Spiritual life:

1) The Honeymoon ends

When I get into a relationship it is truly a step into the honeymoon period. Everything about my mate is desirable in the beginning. We all know this, we have been through this before! However as time moves along, slowly creeping towards inevitable death…I guess pressure adds into my life to make sure all my choices are the right choices because time IS running out and we don’t want to be wasting it! Those desirable things in the beginning become stale and as the newness of the relationship wear off, so too does my interest.

I noticed this happened with several clients and instead of taking this time to evaluate and reassess, they boldly push on in the hopes of it getting better. Spoiler alert! It doesn’t and then their partner ends up leaving and they end up picking up the pieces of their broken heart wondering what happened.

If I can be candidly honest, I would say to people in relationships, expect the honeymoon to end, and then prepare yourself for a quiz. When you reach that point of normalcy (you can see your partner without butterflies dancing in your stomach) then take a moment to reflect on the relationship and how it has worked for you. Now the timing is different for many, I noticed some clients had the end come in as little as three months and some didn’t see it until years later….but that is moot. Whatever the timing, when the end of the honeymoon comes, this is the time to reflect and think how this relationship has helped, grown, matured and benefitted you in some way.

If you realize that life has opened up to you in countless ways because of this relationship, that you have developed a great friendship and companionship with someone and that you still are joyful to be around this person, then stay in it! This is a healthy relationship that is bolstering growth in your heart, and this is needed on the Spiritual path towards enlightenment.

The flip side of this is when you realize the relationship is not. I met so many clients yesterday and in previous readings who were not ready to let go even though the signs were there that the relationship was over. I even had some tell me their partner ended it and SAID it was over! But they wouldn’t take that as a hint and kept pushing through and forcing the relationship to happen amidst their partner’s objections.

Many of these clients felt it was “divinely guided” for them to be with this person, that the person was their soul mate/twin flame, that they had past lives together and that psychic readings told them they would be together. This point in particular leads me to my second insight:

2) Pay attention to the present, Ignore the past

I get that many of us are realizing we “know” each other without really knowing each other. That we have connections with strangers and can attribute it to a past life, twin flame connection sort of thing. However that does NOT take precedence over what someone is saying to you right NOW in your FACE! sorry for the dramatic captions, but sometimes I want to yell it this way to people so they can take me seriously.

Ok let me explain it from another angle, this may work. One time I did date a guy who felt we had more of a connection than I felt. You know how I felt when he pushed all this stuff on me? I felt awful and slightly embarrassed for him because I knew in my heart, I didn’t feel the same way. I tried to be polite and let him down gently, but he was so convinced we were meant to be together, he was not hearing me. He would over talk me and try to convince me that he knew best about this, but all I could think  is, “How can he possibly know me better than I know myself?”

This is what we do though. We feel so justified in our love for someone that we attempt to tell them how they feel about us. Yesterday I had a very strong willed woman ask me for a love reading. She went on a date in January (it is now December) and the man in question never asked her out again. Every now and then he would text or call to say hello (they both were in the same profession) but nothing hinting to the fact that he was interested. Also the woman also mentioned that she knew or suspected he was dating someone. Despite all these indications, she still wanted a reading as to whether there was a chance for them or not (the cards said not a chance in hell by the way). You don’t need a reading for that. It is clearly written on the wall that he is not interested and she needed to move on. She didn’t stress the past lives connection or anything, just the connecting they had on their first date in January. That was the past, this is the present and in the present tense, he does not seem interested.

My personal opinion is that deep down she knows he is not for her, but the idea of being wrong is more than she can handle, so she rather chase after an unavailable man than open her heart and love to another for fear of rejection again. Which brings me to my next point:

3) We do not grieve enough

It is a known fact (through my eyes) we do not grieve enough. Everyday relationships are ending, jobs are lost, families are broken apart and people carry on like its just another day. Its not, it is torture on your heart and you need to acknowledge that.

When I went through this last breakup, I allowed myself to grieve. I went out to Old Navy and bought $200 worth of sweats swearing I would never dress cute ever again. I stopped wearing makeup and stopped working out, I ate what I wanted and slept when I wanted and definitely cried all the time. I went into a depression. A close friend of mine became worried and said to me, “I feel as if you are sinking into a depression and I worry about you not coming out of it.” I told her I absolutely was sinking into a depression and I was not worried about the end outcome because as I allowed myself to go in, when the time is right, I will allow myself to come out. And I did. 2 months later I resumed normal, healthy behavior, became more social and healthy again and started to revive in life. I am happier now than I was before the breakup! But it took some good time to grieve and feel pain but eventually heal from it.

Somewhere along the line of history, it became taboo to grieve. It was seen as a sign of weakness and despair to spend time in mourning. Then grieving became acceptable BUT with rules.

– You are allowed to grieve for big events (divorce, death) not small ones (a break up, illness).

– There is a time limit on grieving (fill in the blank, you are allowed to grieve for ____ days/weeks/months). I think I heard somewhere that there was an equation for grieving. If you have been in relationship for 3 years, it will take you half the time to get over it. Who comes up with this stuff anyways?

Your grieving process is personal to you and no one, not your family, your friends or the Government has a right to tell you when you had enough. I met a woman yesterday who was struggling to find her life path, she was in her 60s, and all I could see was pain and hurt from a lifetime of suffering. I told her to spend time in mourning first and then we can talk about your life path.

Grieving in love gives your heart validation. It validates the very real and raw feelings you had for someone and the ominous fact that you still have them despite their absence. It gives the heart time to reflect on whether this was true love feelings or feelings of want and desire. I realized after my grieving process I absolutely loved and still love my ex because he brought so much love and learning into my life, making me a better person than I was. I can think of him with a smile and also think of him with someone else and still smile. Why? Because the heart does not understand jealousy, control or possession. It only sees, feels and shares love and once I know he is happy, I myself am happy too. Many people do not reach this state of acceptance because they have suppressed the other four levels of grief. (The 5 stages of Grief- Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance). How can I tell? From the way people talk about their exes. The pain is still raw within them and they speak with either hate, anger, sadness or anxiety when discussing their ex. This shouldn’t be, because as we find out in the next point:

4) Love is Everlasting

Love lasts forever, the FB status of a relationship changes. If you truly love someone and it is a Spiritual kind of love (as opposed to lust based or ego based), it will last a lifetime and more. I remember I was engaged to a man when I was in my early 20s. We lasted three years before I broke off the engagement and ended the relationship. A decade later he reached out to me on social media to just say hi and see how I was doing. When I heard from him, the floodgates of my heart opened again and I felt this immense sense of love flow to him. At that moment I realized I never stopped loving him after all these years.

This kind of love is a spiritual love. I felt no need to rekindle a relationship with him (he is happily married and with children) or have a physical interaction either. I was content to feel love for him, show him love and rejoice in his love for his family and wife.

He is not the only man I have loved, I have loved many and each time an ex of mine contacts me to chat or check in, I feel that love for each of them rekindle in my heart again and again.

This is hard for many people to hear especially my clients yesterday. Many of them wanted to be placed on a pedestal, to be the love of a lifetime for one person and to have complete ownership over their beloved’s heart. It is not possible and this impossibility is what drives a wedge in many love relationships today.

On the Spiritual Path we become open to the idea that we have enough love for everyone. That we can love people in different ways. That we have space to love more than one person at a time. For some of us, we are bold and dive into polyamorous relationships but for most of us, we allow ourselves to sit contentedly with that notion that love is abundant and the more you open yourself to love, the more abundance you receive in life.

All these points are good and note worthy but the most important point I took away from the readings is this:

5) Loving yourself is more important than any love relationship 

In many of the readings, I noticed the physical attributes of the clients as they were speaking of their love problems. Many had bags under their eyes, dressed frumpily, had hectic lives with no time for themselves and almost always, put the needs and care of their partner before their own. I knew in my heart, love would never make a home in their lives if they didn’t make it feel at home.

When we get into relationships we tend to build the relationship on a rocky foundation. We put the foundation as our partner and then our needs are the top most part of the pyramid. What happens when that partner leaves? All of life crumbles.

I had a young client in her 20s who wanted a reading on her and her boyfriend. It seemed innocent enough but then she started talking about starting her own business and the name of the business would include her boyfriend. I stopped her there. There are things you need to do in this lifetime without your partner. It is your own mark on the world. You cannot have your mark with the mark of someone else. It sounds very hippy, peace, love and light but it is not realistic. If I learned anything yesterday, I learned that the majority of relationships do not last. I met clients as young as 26 and as mature as in their 70s, and they all had something in common, they were in relationships that were on the rocks, heading for the rocks or already broken up.

Why does this happen more for people on the Spiritual path than others? because we have made an unspoken vow and promise to grow, to seek and to explore as much of this life as we possibly can before we go. This inquisitive and highly changing attitude in us makes us unstable for a relationship. Some of us luck out and find partners willing to grow with us and change as we change…but the majority of us are unequally yoked to a partner, thinking in part, they would be our rock and our support to weather the storms and dark nights we understandably will undergo.

If this is the nature of love on the Spiritual path…that it has a higher chance of ending than lasting, what makes me think I will be the one to break the mold? We say we are humble but when we think like this, we really are not. We want it all, the perfect relationship, enlightenment and Zen.

I say to those in relationships or considering it, to build your foundation on yourself. Make YOU the priority. Set up your life and your day to revolve around you and your interests. This way if your relationship ends, then you still have your life intact and you can mourn just the top of the pyramid not the whole darn thing.

 

I have lots more to say on the topic of love and the Spiritual Path. Indeed, it has been a masterpiece in my life’s work and thankfully I paid attention and learned what I needed to learn in order to grow and evolve. I personally do not know what my love life has in store in the next year or even next, few weeks; whether I will rekindle romantically with an ex or be in a new relationship….but what I do know, is that no matter what happens, I chose me. I will always choose me and that to me, is being in Love on the Spiritual Path.

Love and light always,

Uma

 breakup heart

Posted on: December 14th, 2014 No Comments